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Thank you for your patience while I researched further a theory regarding toddlers picking up on their mother’s pheromones. As in my previous blog, I spoke of the problem I was having with my 22 month old son having issues going to sleep at night. To recap, he was fine for the last year and would take naps and go to sleep without a problem with me just laying him down after our routine of reading, rocking and saying his prayers. That all changed at the end of January when my husband began working more at night and he wasn’t seeing daddy before bed. Since then it has evolved into not taking naps or going to sleep at night without me holding him or laying next to him in order for him to fall asleep.
As promised, I told you I’d give you an update as to how our progress went from last week and getting him to bed using the ‘let them cry’ technique. On Friday night, his grandma was over and he fell asleep in her arms while rocking him. Then on Saturday night he did the same to me during our routine rocking. Sunday was the day of change. It was a long day for him and after rocking him for about 30 minutes, with me falling asleep for a good 20 minutes of it, he woke me to tell me he still wasn’t asleep yet. Upon waking to that, I got upset and decided that I was done. I placed him in his bed and told him he needed to be a big boy and go to sleep. He in turn flew out of his bed and was on my heals as I shut his gate screaming all the way, “mommy, baby, help.” He kept screaming this as I headed down the stairs reaching his little arms out of the gate begging for me to stay with him. It about broke my heart but I was determined to let him cry it out.
My husband then went up and tried to calm him down and our little one did the same to him. Finally, my husband broke down and brought him downstairs. He said he couldn’t bear seeing him reach through the gate and scream so out of control like he was scared of not being with us. He was right. His cries weren’t normal cries. They were the cries of distress, panic and fear. I then took our son and laid him down on our window seat in our room and just sat with him. Our son finally calmed down and kept asking for me to lay down next to him, hold his hand and rub his back. I don’t normally do all of those things, which was even more odd that he was asking for me to do them. I obliged him and he finally fell asleep with me holding his hand. My husband and I then discussed what had happened and it became apparent that something was and is really bothering our son to the point where he is needing human touch to comfort him in order to fall asleep.
Thinking back to the previous nights, he fell asleep both nights easily in his grandma’s and in my arms. Then the night he didn’t fall asleep right away and I tried laying him down, he became overly distraught and was almost in a state of panic. The only thing that calmed him was me rubbing his back and holding his hand as he fell asleep. With this latest upset we both decided that letting him cry himself to sleep wasn’t an option and that I needed to do some more research to find out what else we could do to ease his obvious upset and feelings of either abandonment or separation anxiety. The last thing we want to do is to cause any kind of emotional damage that could affect him later in life. Some of you might think I’m crazy and am being too dramatic however, research has shown that toddlers and infants can be affected by stressful situations or feelings of abandoned, which can lead to problems interacting socially later on in life. I don’t want to unknowingly contribute to an issue my son is having should he be experiencing something that he cannot clearly communicate to me.
In thinking about our problem during the night, I awoke to a possible theory. If men can pick up on the pheromones that a pregnant woman is emitting and can mentally and physically be affected by them, then why not a toddler or older child?
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[...] and kids of all ages can be affected by the addition of a member of the family especially with pheromones. Adding in open discussions prior to the birth and talking to your children about their feelings [...]
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February 14, 20154:12 am