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For years it has been common practice to ‘break’ your toddler of their sleeping habits and to force them to sleep on their own, which can happen anywhere from 6 months of age to a year. I broke my son into sleeping in his crib upstairs around 6 months. This worked out perfectly and he was a pretty good sleeper after that and eventually slept all night long in his crib and then in his toddler bed. His pattern only changed after my husband’s disappearance from his routine. Now, going back to when I was a toddler, my mother would have been pregnant, producing the pheromones associated with the pregnancy during that time and would have been ‘breaking’ me to sleeping on my own. I could have been experiencing the same feeling of loss and threat as my sister was on her way, just like my son is feeling, but instead of recognizing this she forced me to cry myself to sleep.

In discussions I’ve had with my Life Coach, she has stated that many problems that people have are triggered not from dealing with people as adults, but stem from issues that could have happened as early on as in the womb. Babies can sense if a mother doesn’t want them, if they were not meant to be, if there are alternative motives as to why they are having the child ie. to save a marriage or if they were a product of rape. She says that this can be carried on in the sub-conscience and can affect how a person relates to others in terms of trust and bonding. These feelings might not occur in the womb nor be so traumatic, but could just be the product of feeling a significant loss as a young child. A mother and father divorcing when a child is a baby or toddler, a mother abandoning her child as a baby or toddler and leaving them with the father with little contact with them (more so the mother than the father as this is who the child tends to be closer to especially boys), mother’s giving up their babies for adoption, babies being in limbo at an orphanage, children being torn away from their parent and handed over to child protected services due to the parents being unfit and the list goes on and on. Babies and toddlers are extremely sensitive to the maternal and paternal bonding during these formative years. (As noted yesterday, if a mother doesn’t have a vaginal delivery, nurse the baby or hold the baby often the bonding time will be dramatically delayed and if done so in combination to the above items can further create an emotional bonding issue for the child as an adult). According to Doctor Elizabeth Carmen, “Without that original bonding experience, these children substitute power for safety.”

Now I don’t fall into any of those extreme cases (It is important to note how important it is to be aware of these kinds of things so to provide a better environment for your child in the womb and thereafter). My mother wanted me. She tried getting pregnant and just as they were about to see if there were fertility problems she conceived. She also wanted my sister and it was planned for us to be born so close together as to promote us being close as siblings. I don’t believe what happened to me was anyone’s fault. It was a socially accepted practice to break your child into sleeping on their own as it is to this day. However, if you add in all of the new factors of pheromones and me being so young, still a baby when she conceived my sister, the obvious feelings of abandonment make sense and instead of recognizing my sense of insecurity my mother did what any mother then and to this day would do. She continued on breaking me of my need and want for her at bedtime and just based on timing this could have triggered me to shut out the bonding with her and protect myself at a very young age from being hurt. As a toddler, they can’t communicate what they are feeling. They can’t understand it and the only means they have to tell you is through crying and speaking the only words they can identify with the problem. I was pretty young to be able to express any real words to my mother but I know I cried. My son is older and is stating, “Mommy, baby, help.” These words are so powerful and now makes me wonder what it is he is really feeling and had led me to want to make sure I don’t follow in the footsteps of my mother and not recognize a potential problem.

This could have shut down my bonding with her and my father as I was left alone at a very young age to deal with my feelings on my own. It wouldn’t have been their fault as no one would have been the wiser to realize that I may not have been just crying because I didn’t want to sleep alone, but that I was crying feeling abandoned and having the overwhelming desire to be held or touched like my son is. What if those nights of breaking me, actually caused me to pull away from my mother and father and disconnect myself to the bond that was still in the early phases of being formed? What if I shut down and in doing so shut out those around me who were causing me this pain? It would explain why I am not very close to either of them nor was I at any point in time growing up. It would explain why I pushed away adults as a toddler and now am leery about  people in general and am always guarded. I don’t want that for my son and so I’m not about to ignore this current problem we have with his nighttime routine.

Could there be more to this? Can a toddler sense the sex of the child that is to be born as well? Can a father unknowingly sense the sex of his unborn baby? Can this lead to neediness or repel a child from their mother? Or a husband from a wife?

To be continued tomorrow…

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  1. Miguel

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    July 30, 201410:34 pm

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